HMMMM...I remember growing up with you as my big sister. There are so many memories and stories, some just belly laugh funny, some embarrassing, and some bring memories of sadness. I remember when Dad left us for another family...this was one of the saddest days I can remember as a child. I was mom's care person and you were mine. I remember crying after going to bed after Mom calmed down enough for me to leave her side...I remember your big warm hug, no words just a long warm hug. I would have just cried into nonexistence if it were not for the hug that spoke to my heart... it's going to be ok.
I remember Blue Birds camp, all camp age level of Camp Fire Girls. I was in a lower grade and I remember being woke up in the middle of the night that my sister needed me. So I went in the night to her camp area...she was in the restroom crying uncontrollably. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was homesick and wanted to leave...I gave her a nice slap on the cheek and said, if you go I have to go, SO SNAP OUT OF IT! We hugged a moment and then returned to our assigned bunks for the night. The next day she thanked me at the end of the day and said she had the best day ever.
There are so many memories as a child with my older sister I call Franny. She was quiet, gentle, kind, forgiving, and loving, even into her adult life.
She had some hard knocks in this world but somehow a little slap on the cheek {metaphore} would bring her gently back to the strength she needed...to me. She always said I was so strong but in my heart she was. Because she was my big sister and I always needed her.
I was blessed to have wonderful moments on earth with her. Our last day together was very much sisterly. I did a facial and a haircut and made us some healthy food. I think she tried in a micro-subtle way to tell me something was not right with her, but I missed everyone...I was just enjoying our time too much I guess to get her ques.
I had to leave that evening due to a big yelling match in the house and Franny tried to get me to stay, she even begged me to stay. BUT I have a fight or flight issue and in the evening it was flight...as I drove off she was crying. My heart aches for a redo in that moment because that was the last time I heard her voice.
I was coming back on Wednesday to dye her hair and that was in the plan even before the yelling in that house. But there was a call that she was not waking up for dinner. Ryhan said to Theresa to let her just sleep it off. Well the next day,,, Wednesday I went over to continue our day and tried to wake her up. She was not waking, she was snoring but in no way was she waking up. I called 911 immediately. Well as the story goes I still cry in this memory. But in my heart she assures me...ALL IS WELL. Franny had a slow brain bleed from a fall she had a few weeks ago and she was not taken to get examined, even though I was told (I was in Texas) she had two big black eyes after the fall.
Going to back up here. I was in Texas and after Fran had fallen and I was talking to her I noticed a change in her even through the phone. Her skipping topic, referencing to past often, crying some...So I said to our other sister that I had to go back to Oregon and get Fran, and take her with me to the coast where our sister Cindy lived so she and I could be there for our oldest sister and help her as her caregivers because I knew she I thought was getting dementia or Alzheimers...little did I know it was a brain bleed that would take her life 2 weeks later.
So I know she is fine now and I know she would not want me or anyone to feel guilt or regret for the events in this life or up to her death...I do know she is happy where she is and that alone brings me great peace. I can see her setting my table place for when I arrive and she will meet me with open arms and joy, with my Bobby next to her in hand.
I love and miss you this side of heaven Franny ...as our necklaces said that we had as kids
MIZPAH
always in my heart
you sister
PaaPaa
